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Good morning, it is 7:30am on a Monday morning.� Today is one of my favorite� holidays Columbus Day. Not because of its meaning or anything, more of a selfish reason.� I am off work due to working for the State and the kids have school� I have this alone day at home to do anything I chose.� So far drink coffee is all I have done.� I am going to sew a little today, I am working on a bathrobe for my grandson.� But after that I will have this long lonely day to sit around and think and that is always a bad thing.

I have been lonely alot lately.� Dont get me wrong, I have friends and family and even a guy that calls me a girlfriend but I am not happy.� I�havent quit put my finger on the problem yet but I am hoping to eventually.� I think sometimes I want more out of life, marriage, happiness etc.� but then I realize I had that and I was unhappy then too.

I�guess I will get on with my day, I just wanted to write this down so that maybe when I see this sometime in the future I will have found my answer.

Kim

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Iapos;m watching Standard Operating Procedure, a documentary about the shenanigans that occurred in Abu Ghraib. Further proof that there are some sick fucking people in this world, and the majority of them are in positions of power over others.

Fall is awesome. Iapos;m craving a pumpkin spice latte like crazy right now. Iapos;m also freezing and have been since Thursday. Weird.

825 and Iapos;m ready for bed. Amazing.

Tomorrow Iapos;m working, Tuesday Iapos;m getting tattooed (maybe Thursday, I havenapos;t really decided yet) and working, and Wednesday Iapos;m going to Pittsburgh to see Trivium and All That Remains with Devon. Heapos;s driving, so I just get to watch Pittsburgh unfold. That sounds crazy, but I love that city and never get to enjoy it because Iapos;m always the one driving. Iapos;m superstoked on this adventure. Pretty sure itapos;s going to be neat. No, scratch that. Definitely sure.

Iapos;ve decided against the trip to Illadelphia on Thursday. Instead, Iapos;m going to have an intense writing day. Iapos;m determined to produce something worth reading by the end of the week. Iapos;m also off on Saturday. What the fuckapos;s up with that?

Time to shower. Maybe Iapos;ll watch Freaks and Geeks after that, and then maybe Iapos;ll go to bed. Iapos;m actually tired. I was last night, too, but then my phone rang at 2 AM. I didnapos;t mind, though.
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Oh - itapos;s so much fun to be flirted with. I guess at some point, I will actually have to make a move [?] My local upscale grocer is the place to go for the best selection of produce so, I make it one of my weekly Sunday chores. A few weeks ago, I notice a cute, Latino produce guy looking my way. When I looked up, he had a big flirtatious smile on his face. I smiled right back and glanced his way a couple times while shopping and exchanging smiles. The following week, I didnapos;t want to read anything in to it so, prepared myself for a possible withdrawn produce guy like - maybe he thought I was flirting with him [?] This time was more of the same - big smile - obvious flirting. The store is packed on Sundays, I didnapos;t want to make him uncomfortable. Tuesday night, I was in need of more produce. I snack on that stuff all day instead of junk. To my surprise, guess who was working Tuesday night? Big smile and all. I was hovering over produce the aisle next to where he was working when a customer asked him a question. He had to go find out the answer and walked right by my aisle, making it a point to look at me the whole time. As he passed by [the boy from Ipanema] I smiled and said "hey, howapos;s it going?" He smiled "hi" and went about his chore. A couple more smiling glances and I finally headed to check out. Today is Sunday. There he is, smiling, yearning and, this time said "hi, how are you doing?" to which I say "good, how are you?" We smile, he works, I shop, heapos;s called to go tend to some restocking of fresh greens. He stands there alone at first. A customer comes and goes, I dare myself to stand next to him and say "can I ask for your email or is that too forward?" and... I donapos;t do it. Maybe next time. I go to check out and I look back to the produce section, he seems to be looking up front to see if he can see someone - it seems as if heapos;s scoping for me. The inner dialogue is telling me to go back but I feel a fool lugging my three heavy honeydew melons, peppers and strawberries to run after Flirty McFlirtpants. Itapos;s fun to see this happen... Especially when I feel so pessimistic about romance at times. Itapos;s just one of those nice little reminders of the good.
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